I’ve never been very good at introductions: formal personal presentations just aren’t my thing. Maybe it’s because everything I say somehow always comes out wrong. You could call it an inappropriate response to stressful situations, which has lead to more than one bad first impression.

On the first day of Kindergarten standing in front of the classroom, knees shacking, I nervously blurted out “My name is Rene and I’m not a girl”, to the resounding laughter of everyone in the room - including the teacher.

I know how strange that must all sound, but there is a good reason behind it. You see up until I turned six my father had refused to take me to get my hair cut (because he was a cheap jerk) and so it grew down pass my shoulder blades. Whenever my mother took me out with her there would be comments about what a “pretty little girl” I was or “she has such beautiful hair”, as if I cared.*

*[Okay, to be fair, maybe I did have unnaturally robust cheek bones for a boy my age. But that’s Off The Record]

It also doesn’t help that most Americans think of “Rene” as a name used only by girls; and not that I’m pointing fingers or anything, but my mother really should’ve thought that one through.

Thankfully I’ve gotten pass the point of having to clarify my gender to others, though I still find it awkward when talking about myself.

Job interviews are difficult for me to say the least, and even after, luckily, landing the position there are always job reviews that need to be addressed. Many Employee Evaluations have come back with comments like “Rene’s shyness stifles his ability to build interpersonal confidence with his co-workers” or “Rene needs to be more of a Social Butterfly to better blossom in the work place.”

It seems the only escape from public speaking would be to become a monk and take a vow of silence, although I would kind of feel like a hypocrite since I think all mimes should be shot on sight.

If only we all could be fortunate enough to have the oratory skills of President Barack Obama, how more rhetorical the world would be. Though as our new president has said, “Things take time. We may not get there in a day or a month or a year, but we will get there.”

Hopefully one day I’ll be known as someone who has perfected the art of speaking with style, wit and savoir faire. For now I guess this will have to do for an introduction: “Hello, my name is Rene. I’m not a girl. I like to write. These are my stories. I hope you enjoy them.”